Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Vincent Van Gogh Fuck Yourself.'s LiveJournal:

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Sunday, November 26th, 2006
1:58 am	Fuck You. Yes, you... I hope you get raped. you sick, sick little fuck. Current Music: i hope you die. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 20th, 2006
2:58 am	practice rocks... studying rocks.. discipline rocks. (musically anyway) rehearsal went incredibly well tonight. im sorry i dont and restraining order sound great and we just began work on the new old song... sigh.. i love my job. Current Music: *our new band name* The Lux. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 12th, 2006
1:21 am	Attention Nik,.. STOP LOCKING YOUR POSTS. (that is all).. Current Music: vivaldi - fugue in Bmaj (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, November 10th, 2006
3:54 pm	when you think of me, what song do you hear.....?. Current Mood: curious Current Music: you tell me (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, October 20th, 2006
1:32 am	a poem entitled, "from a distance." i found this today when i went looking for any random notebook to take with me to the hospital.. (written on the plane home from hazelden)..i've been thinking about it a lot recently. why is it all so much more beautiful, so much more breathtaking, from above.. where you can no longer feel for the woolly reject whose home by night is a bus depot.. where all can be explained in the chaos of light and line, twisting and disappearing into the distant dark.. ~ i'm just landed.. there was the jostling of the descent and the jolt of touchdown.. and then the blessed familiarity of Los Angeles International.. the aircraft taxied to a stop smoothly as marielle's subaru(*see appendix).. ~ god, if he really is watching from that way up there, is quite unconcerned with the particulars of his work.. ..... * :recently deceased. Current Music: lipstick for nowhere...lampshade. (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 18th, 2006
9:29 pm	i'm cranky......and tired. i went to the santa monica district court today with hopes of getting a comparatively reasonable fine from the judge.....it sucked like no municipal judiciary has sucked before. first, i get there 30 minutes before my scheduled appearance (i'm trying to attain some semblance of professionalism and punctuality) only to discover that i'm number 46 out of 50 cases that were to be handled today....so ok, i could deal with that..after all, i expected some inhumane wait.......three and a half hours go by and i haven't seen the judge..finally, my name is called by the bailiff and i walk in to the small room to confront a judge that looked and talked a lot like the late andy warhol...he had this meek, unconcerned demeanor and a slow, drolling voice, and a pair of what looked like vintage bottle cap glasses with big black frames.......he said, "you are charged with the infraction of being on the beach beyond the appointed curfew..how do you plead?" "no contest, i replied. i was completely unwaware that there was a curfew at venice beach." "twenty five dollars", he said, and slammed down his gavel, and sent me around the corner to the clerks office.....there was another snaking line for that particular comb of this big fucking hive that we call a courthouse. after another hour, i get to the impatient woman moderating the all-important payment booth. it's there she tells me that the twenty five dollars is just the initial fine, and that after taxes, additional case payments, and something about the calif. legislature that i didn't understand, i owe the court one hundred and fifty dollars........i ask for an extension, give her the last twenty dollars that i own and elbow my way out of the room. as i get out of the courthouse, past the gaurds and the metal detectors and the derelicts sleeping on the steps, i realize that i gave them all the money that i had, which left me nothing to get home on....so i walk from the nu art(the court is two blocks from the theater) west pico where i wait outside my mother's school for a half hour till she gets off and is able to take me home......*sigh*.....does anybody have any hundred dollar odd jobs for me....? lol....... Current Mood: sleepy...... Current Music: the simpson's theme...it's nine thirty. :) (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, October 16th, 2006
4:15 am	on lipstick for nowhere... i can't leave this music thing alone.. *songs in the key of the x* is amazing..i mean..like..really... the opening is eerie...with the selected sections of song from elsewhere on the album, like a premonition of what is to come.. i want to say that it needs a more complex chorus, but eddie has been attempting to get me to see the sometimes stunning beauty in simlicity...well, i couldn't call the chorus simple really...i'm just a little tired of the minor 3rd, 4, 5 progression in Eminor...but its a great instrumental...incredible really...it just needs undertones and effects..that we can do. STF is something that i can't categorize...it's not something that i could ever write myself, mostly because it borders on punk...i don't write punk...but chris played Emaj to F#maj, and we liked its direct, feel this or fuck off sound, so to extend it i moved it up a major 5th, normally a blues progression, and it stuck...eddie composed this energetic frontier-sounding piano riff that we were skeptical of early on, but it sounds perfect in time with the guitar somehow...the chorus is just the octaves of F#...and it's a song about the glory of fucking somebody to sleep.......where can you go wrong....... matt, chris, and eddie rock. sigh. enough. i'm tired now. Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: lipstick for nowhere. absolution. (13 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, October 2nd, 2006
4:21 am	it rained tonight. i didn't even notice..didn't know how long it had been going on. until the power went out. i was sitting next to my guitar watching a music video that particularly churns my gall, trying to distinguish what it is about it that angers me so. maybe it's the fat guitarist who takes his cues from 80s hair metal, or the lead who's constantly gesturing in a way that makes me think he's got a nerve disability. i just.....really hate it....and worse...it's everywhere. "honey, why you callin me..so late.." eeeew!. but anyway..halfway through the acoustic bridge, all goes black. the digital clock warped and shorted. then i heard the rain.. rain that bespeaks the summer's end. i'd looked forward to it for so long.. i took to the closet, grabbed shoes, and made my way outside to find that to my dissapointment, it was not the sweet rainwater that washes clean your very soul... it was just... cold. colder than anything i can remember. and i stood there, shivering..no knowledge of the what nor care for the why. the polar little drops put out my cigarette. then, suddenly, as if the clouds choked on their satiety, it stopped. now there is just the thunder, sounding like the indigestion of God himself. i need sleep... Current Mood: sickly. (cough) (wretch) (die) Current Music: ...it's pretty quiet. (except for the thunder) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, September 29th, 2006
1:48 pm	it goes like this... the fourth, the fifth... the minor fall, the major lift.. the baffled king composing hallelujah.. wow. i love music theory. (Comment on this)
Saturday, September 23rd, 2006
11:39 pm	Marielle...... all of us here shall miss you.. and I'll say goodbye to you in a way that is not sad, but hopefully hilarious. . . . you'll be taking English or Composition or something, so here's some ways to stand out... .Type every word in a different font..it'll take a little more time, but it's fun to alternate sizes as well. ..Support your thesis with quotes from your VCR manual. ...Replace the names of prominent figures in history with your friends, family, classmates, whatever...tell your professor that Harold commanded the Spansih Armada. ....Compose your paper entirely of magazine clippings, ransom note style. .....Add as a post-script, "this paper will self-destruct in 10 seconds." ......Turn in a letter you wrote to a friend (we'll use me in this instance, because you better write!). Ok, so, turn in a letter to your professor and when he or she confronts you about it, say that you must have got the paper mixed up with this letter and you'll get them the assignment as soon as you can...Then say that I live in Siberia. .......Make a tape of Vashti singing your paper operatically, and submit it. ........Draw characatures of your professor on the title page. .........Refer to American heroes with nicknames...call George Washington "Tree-Tooth" and Ben Franklin "Sparky".. ..........On the day the paper is due, burst into class with essay in hand screaming, "I have a paper, I have a paper!"..Run around the class several times, then toss it out the window and exclaim joyfully, "there goes my paper! There it goes!"...Then run outside to get it. now i know you may not have to suffer chemisty this year, but it'll come..and here are a few ways to, ahem, gracefully, take your leave from that particular dirge.. .Insist that an electron got stuck in your ear, and make a show of demonstrating the sound to the professor. ..Give a classmate a cup of liquid nitrogen and ask innocently, "does this taste funny to you?" ...Consistently abbreviate K(potassium) as KKK. ....When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, "Aggggh! My Eyes!". .....deny the existence of atoms. ......Pop a paper bag at that precarious moment when the instructor pours the sulfuric acid. .......Show up to class with a 55-gallon drum of Talcum soap and express an interest in federal buildings. have a good time, my dear. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, September 22nd, 2006
1:04 am	things will never be the same..but still I'm awfully glad i came.. Over the laws of light. Over the moon by midnight.. Lets do it all this time... Into the shadow show and.... Into the rolling tide. Over the ocean so wide.. Let's do it all this time... Everyone wishing well we go and.... Everyone knows. Anything goes. Current Mood: high Current Music: Midnight. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, June 30th, 2006
8:29 am	Nik, you rat bastard. i'm writing this from the cramped closet/office here at work to tell you that i HATE you for this early morning muffin stuff..... (for a moment i forget my seething hatred and smile at the phrase ''muffin stuff''...its just fun to say).. anyway, having forgoten why i hate you, ill go and be productive. i love you... (twitch). the caffine is quick.. Current Mood: i hate/heart nik... <3 Current Music: whatever tasteless power rock the baker is playing.. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 6th, 2006
6:38 am	finally... something worth.. living for. Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: songs in the key of X (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 19th, 2005
2:47 am	it's both a scare and a relief that for this long, i've had absolutely nothing to say. Current Mood: .... Current Music: jeff buckley - so real. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, September 19th, 2005
10:11 pm	"so what'd you do yesterday?": i watched my dog die. at nine i was present for the birth of griffey, the last of three oddly shaded puppies...templeton (who looked like a rat) was black, rex (or "gordo") was brown, and griffey was the blondie of the bunch. it was my sad burden to choose one, and i picked griffey..mostly because her eyelids were inverted (yeah, weird) and she looked so adorable, blindly baby-stepping around, bumping into things. her lids were proptly fixed and she wore a plastic headcone for the first 3 weeks of her life...and for the last nine months. :( in thinking about her, the great thing is that there is only the fondest memories; her penchant for skunks (although they weren't too freindly to her), the little happy-dance-shimmy thing she would do when someone let slip the word "walk", and the guilt i would feel when she looked at me like i was a criminal when they weren't referring to her.....and how she immediately forgot that unfairness when i walked back inside. unfairness. it certainly figures into it. (like with everything, i know, but...) she really was the sweetest, most patient pet i've ever seen..and that she had to suffer for almost a year before she was relieved of it all. she always reminded me strangely of those plump, innocent angels in botticelli paintings. (except when she would lick her crotch...that isn't very angelic.) i say all this sentimental shit because i really loved that dog, and eulogies to pets i'm sure often go unwritten. thank you julianne so much for wanting to come, and to everybody who returned vashti's text messages... apparently she felt that griffey needed a procession of mourners..hmm. . and to marielle, if you ever read this..... your exact words were a simple, "what do you need". my answer i hope is just as simple....a phone call from you. . . . . i love you all. . . . and yes eddie, griffey is now on the lord's bus, with or without the correct change. :) Current Mood: still in shock. Current Music: Chopin - Sonata #2 (funeral march) (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, September 10th, 2005
5:12 pm	ha ha! now i'll break that pretty face of yours. Current Mood: i'll bash you good..! Current Music: third eye blind - god of wine (Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 7th, 2005
11:14 am	i've spent all morning listening to cds.. because i'll be damed if i'm going to take the manufacturer's word that they're blank. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 31st, 2005
2:16 am	..have you ever felt like the most despicable, morally culpable human being ever to scourge the planet earth..?. ...no? (well..i guess then it's just me.) Current Mood: i want to......escape. Current Music: damien rice - cold water (Comment on this)
Friday, August 26th, 2005
2:44 pm	and a good day to you, also.. ... that morning, the instant light hit my eyes, i said simply and bitterly, "fuck." the sun seeped opaquely through my eyelids and tinged a sultry tangerine darkness...i shifted fretfully on the mattress, pulling the comforter over my face like a vampire's cloak...i wanted to close the curtains, but that required getting out of bed, which is the very first step to a productive day...a step that i often can't take. i wedged my cheek into that cool place where the wall meets the mattress and inhaled the dank and the dust mites...i raised my head to cough and heaved a clot of green slime, the color of rotten pears, onto my pillowcase.....i slid the cushion from the cloth and grimaced at the mucoid blotch staining the fabric..i examined the swirls of orange embroidery at the hemmed edges, wondering how long it took my late grandmother to sew these designs...i wadded it up and tossed it in the general direction of the waste basket...i looked down and saw my feet leading vertically to my shins, which could only mean that i was standing...goddamnit, i'd gotten out of bed... and once again the body betrays my desire for inertia. ... Current Mood: pressured...and explosive. Current Music: modest mouse - the waydown (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, August 22nd, 2005
1:17 am	i just thought. farewell nik, farewell cameron. (i hope you packed the olive oil and table legs) (rugrakers).. ♥ Current Mood: as it was um...4 minutes ago. (Comment on this)